We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
