She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
