my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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