**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
