I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
