I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
