So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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