is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
