hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
