I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
