We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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