Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
