How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
the liver wants what the liver wants
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
