but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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