I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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