Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
