Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
