im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she smelled like a LAN party
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
