clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
