Pregnant stripper...not hot.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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