You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
