Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
