Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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