I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
