Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
