i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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