so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
