The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
