there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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