I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
