i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
