If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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