bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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