I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
wat bout pragnant strippers??
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
