I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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