I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
