Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
