I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
