I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
