just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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