I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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