Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
