She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
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