i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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