so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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