Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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