During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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