this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
