and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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