D3 body, D1 cock
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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