There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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