I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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