I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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