shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I touched a dick in church today
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
