I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
