hell yes lets make some ravioli
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
