Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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